When I was 14, I stopped drinking water at college. I had often experienced dry mouth and a slight sense of drowsiness at school, especially in the summer.
I likewise absolutely detested the changing areas for P.E., and I felt uneasy and restless there. As a result, I’d use as much of my system as possible under my garments, which would only make me sweat and even more dehydrated.
However, I didn’t want to drink any water because I might have to use the restroom afterward.
And, for me, the bath was where I felt the most uncomfortable. Because I was transgender, I would do everything in my power to avoid using the female restrooms even though I hadn’t fully realized it until I was in my early youth.
I wasn’t 15 until I had my first lightbulb moment regarding my gender identity.
When I watched a video on the TV about a young transgender man’s experiences and describing what it was like for him growing up, I learned what it meant to be trans.
After seeing it, I was confused and upset for a while, but I couldn’t figure out why.
Within a year, I began talking about what I had seen with a counselor who was assisting me with my stress and various mental health issues. Never once did I consider whether gender was as universal as it had always been believed, or whether I wasn’t just avoiding toilets and water because I detested them without cause.
I wanted to yell at myself because I didn’t figure it out sooner. That I am not a child and not truly were.
I approached my mother to a conference and came out to her with the assistance of this counselor. She was friendly, but a week or two later we – in the same way – told my dad.
Both of my parents had a positive reaction in their own way. It took a while for them to adapt to my new name and pronouns, but we worked it out together.
I received comments on how I looked and dressed.
At school, I asked the staff to use my chosen name (Rain) and preferred pronouns – both ‘he’ and ‘him’ or ‘they’ and ‘them’. The educating staff I worked with was very patient.
But some teachers weren’t quite as receptive. I was frequently referred to by incorrect pronouns and called by my old name.
It was frustrating for me, not the least of which was because other students in my class would frequently hear two different names being used.
I kept mentioning my new name and pronouns to people, but at the end of the day, my certificates were in my old name.
The biggest problem I faced throughout the entire transition was the restrooms.
To this day, I won’t use a gendered bathroom in a public place.
I wanted to use the men’s restrooms, as it felt like the more secure option – but I was very scared. Instead, I used the children’s, and my worst fears came true.
I received feedback on how I looked and dressed, was laughed at and ridiculed, and was even pushed against a wall by my own peers. I didn’t report it because I was afraid that it might lead to further escalation.
I was deeply shaken by the experience, and I still refuse to use a gender-specific toilet in a public space.
I eventually left my Sixth Form to transfer to a different city for university, and I finally started to feel more secure in a classroom. Most people didn’t realize that I had a new name until recently, which was really nice. On top of that, for the first time, I had two additional trans people in my group! It appeared to be a miracle that I wasn’t the only one.
I wanted to scream at myself for not working it out sooner.
Teachers were really great with my pronouns and were generally more laid-back, which really helped with my confidence.
I’m now 21 and realize that many of the adults and young people around me didn’t understand me when I was in school.
There were no references to gender diversity in the syllabus or any guidelines for how teachers or peers should address issues like bullying or harassment of transgender students.
The government recently released draft guidance for schools on gender diverse young people, which talks about us as if we’re a problem, to make matters worse for trans children today.
Worryingly, it specifically states: ‘There is also no general rule that says schools and colleges must accommodate a child to take actions that are part of “social transition” – such as agreeing to change their name or pronouns.’
If teachers follow this draft directive, I believe it would be disastrous for trans students who are already struggling in school, like I did. If I was still in school, I’m honestly really unsure how I would have coped.
I think my mental health – which already wasn’t brilliant – would’ve been a lot worse. I doubt that I would have been able to sit my exams or continue attending school, let alone use a restroom, as I feared.
I worry that these decisions were
made without the input of people like me, but rather as a result of external pressure. Particularly when decisions that affect our lives are made, we deserve to have our voices heard and respected.
I think trans students should be supported and allowed to be themselves in their own classrooms.
I’m hopeful that, in the future, all trans youth will feel accepted and supported at school, as is their right.
Rain is an ambassador for Just Like Us, the LGBT+ young people’s charity. For more information, sign up for their newsletter.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Contact James by sending an email to Besanvalle@metro.co.uk.
