What do a 77-year-old ardent Republican and self-proclaimed “bigot” and a 25-year-old gay intersex barber covered in tattoos have in common?
Nothing.
But regardless, the two established an implausible connection.
What began as an unintended meeting between Eli James “E. J.” Radford, who uses the words “they” and “he,” and Jeff Comerchero developed into a friendship that both believe can help foster tolerance for others and overcome prejudices.
Comerchero, a previous Temecula president and city council member, and Temecula native Radford self-published their fresh book, “The Old Man & the Queer,” about their lives and — as the subtitle says — how Radford “freed him from prejudice”.
* Jeff Comerchero, a past Temecula mayor and town council member, gets a cut from Eli James “E. J.” Radford, who identifies as nonbinary, Wednesday, March 13, 2024, at E & E Barbershop in Temecula. The two co-wrote “The Old Man & the Queer,” which explains how gathering the hairdresser helped Comerchero beat prejudices.
* Jeff Comerchero, a former Temecula mayor and town council member, gets his locks cut Wednesday, March 13, 2024, in Temecula by Eli James “E. J.” Radford, who is intersex.
* Barber Eli James “E. J.” On Wednesday, March 13, 2024, Radford gives original Temecula mayor and town council member Jeff Comerchero a cut at E & E Barbershop in Temecula.
* In “The Old Man & the Queer,” Jeff Comerchero, a former mayor of Temecula, reveals how he overcame prejudices he had regarding the LGBTQ community. He and Eli James “E. J.” co-wrote the text. Radford, who is genderfluid.
* Jeff Comerchero, a previous Temecula governor, on Wednesday, March 13, 2024, holds the guide he co-wrote with stylist Eli James “E. J.” Radford, who is intersex. The two met at E & E Barbershop in Temecula and established a connection that helped Comerchero overcome his prejudices about the Transgender community.
* Jeff Comerchero, a former Temecula president and town council member, has his hair cut by Eli James “E. J.” Radford, who is intersex, at E & E Barbershop in Temecula on Wednesday, March 13, 2024.
* Eli James “E. J.” Radford gets a smile from Jeff Comerchero, left, Wednesday, March 13, 2024, at E & E Barbershop in Temecula. The former president and city council member got to know Radford, who is intersex, after he started cutting his hair. “The Old Man & the Queer,” a guide the pair co-authored, explores how Comerchero helped him shed his prejudices about the Transgender community.
* Eli James “E. J.” Radford gives past Temecula president and councilor Jeff Comerchero a hair Wednesday, March 13, 2024, at E & E Barbershop in Temecula. “The Old Man & the Queer,” in which Radford and Comerchero discuss how meeting Radford helped him defeat his prejudices against the LGBTQ community, was written in an unlikely friendship between Radford and Comerchero.
Their life and what they learned from one another are described in the book. Comerchero relates his experiences as president, president, and former toy store owner, as well as meeting Radford. Radford writes about navigating female personality, growing up in Temecula as a gay man in a pious religious house, and co-opresiding in a cult-like religious co-op in Hawaii.
“In all the challenges of this earth, our friendship does not occur, yet it does,” Comerchero wrote. “And if we’ve created a wonderful companionship in a world where people like us have been pitted against each other as foes, I have hope … If we, who started so far apart, you come up with friendship, love, and understanding, there can be no excuse for hatred and love in the world”.
Upon first seeing Radford in the Margarita Road salon, Comerchero said he struggled to determine Radford’s gender and sexuality. He was unsettled by that and other aspects of Radford’s appearance.
“Mostly, it was the tattoos,” he said of Radford, who has large black-and-white tattoos that cover most of their right arm, a prominent neck tattoo, and various leg tattoos.
Having grown up in a Jewish household in Brooklyn, New York, and with many ancestors killed in the Holocaust, Comerchero said he was raised to see tattoos as taboo. One branch of Judaism even prohibits tattoos from being interred in a religious ceremony, according to one member.
Comerchero had an initial thought: he’d never let this barber put a hand on him.
“I never considered myself to have biases, so it caught me off guard,” Comerchero said. “I didn’t like it and wanted to confront what I was thinking and feeling.”
Comerchero, however, believed Radford had a talent for hair styling.
Prior to meeting Radford, Comerchero claimed to have had little knowledge of someone who considered themselves nonbinary, which in turn meant that they didn’t identify as a man or woman. He also knew little about LGBTQ+ issues.
“You don’t know what you don’t know,” Comerchero said.
On Radford’s end, they had their own assumptions of Comerchero.
Radford wasn’t sure what to make small talk about or how much to reveal in conversation, assuming that Comerchero would likely be biased against LGBTQ+ people — or even homophobic.
Radford questioned whether Comerchero had mistakenly scheduled the haircut.
“Because most people are like, ‘Don’t tell me more, I don’t want to know,'” Radford said, “I don’t expect people who look like him to care about my identities and ask questions.”
After what both called an awkward first appointment, Comerchero liked Radford’s work and continued to book haircuts and shaves. Through many appointments, they kept learning about each other’s lives, eventually forming a friendship.
“I just came to the realization, once I really got to know Eli, that there’s a beautiful person in there and that’s really what life’s about,” Comerchero said.
He made the first appointment to demonstrate to himself that he wasn’t biased. In the end, Comerchero claimed to have left with a new friendship and an evolving understanding of the LGBTQ+ nuances and identities taught by Radford during their discussions.
“Jeff and I were willing to admit that maybe we were wrong about each other’s first assumptions,” Radford said. “Jeff was willing to be open-minded and learn; he was very nonjudgmental. I’m happy that both of us were interested in learning.
Radford claimed that he intentionally communicated details of his identity with Comerchero over time, not all at once.
“I’m not typically overt about being trans or using my pronouns when I meet clients, especially since my clients live in Temecula,” Radford said. “I’m not very optimistic about it because I don’t know how people will react.
As an example, Radford cited the fact that every day on the way to work, they pass by someone holding what he called transphobic and homophobic signs.
Bond offers hope for building understanding
Radford chose to open up because, even if Comerchero was honest about what he didn’t know, he showed genuine curiosity.
“I realized if I want to be honest with someone who doesn’t know anything, I have to be willing to educate them to some degree, because otherwise, they’re never going to know the information that I want them to know,” Radford said. “You do get sick and tired of being an educator, but you have to let people know how you feel so that they can learn from you and perhaps do better.
Comerchero said that since the friendship began, he has felt that prejudice against LGBTQ+ people has persisted even after he has met Radford. Before meeting Radford, he held the view that sexuality is based on how one presents themselves, and that sexual organs directly relate to gender identity. In the book, Comerchero calls himself a “bigot”.
Both said writing the book expanded their dialogue on the LGBTQ+ community. During the project, Radford only shared their non-binary identity with Comerchero.
Last year, Comerchero was asked whether he realized Radford’s impact on his life when he found himself supporting the proclamation.
“He said to me, ‘Before I got to know you, I would not have supported this proclamation, lesson learned,'” Radford said. “When he told me this, it brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes, I lose hope that people can learn and change and possibly make a difference, but Jeff reminded me that it can happen if people are willing”.
Comerchero tries to assume less when he interacts with people and adheres less strictly to the gender roles that he was raised in.
“It’s not just Eli that I see in a different light,” he said. “It’s everyone who doesn’t quite fit into the boxes into which we put them”.
Comerchero and Radford will sign their book, which, at the Ronald H. Roberts Temecula Public Library on Thursday, April 4. They’ll also take part in a question-and-answer session at the event, which is from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m.
