I can still clearly recall the first time I used the men’s room. I was 13 years old. At the Citrus Grill in Holladay, there was only one stall, but I remember being terrified. When I realized I was trans, I almost expected someone to stop me.
I was required to use the gender-neutral restroom at my school starting on the day I came out. If I disobeyed, I risked expulsion or disciplinary actions at the discretion of the Catholic province. I used the vibrant blue bath in the evil principal’s office all the way up until my senior year, even when I was the student body leader. It served as a continuous reminder of who I was. It taught me that being transgender was something to be ashamed of, to keep a secret, and to hide.
As Utah becomes the first state in 2024 to pass a bathroom bill targeting and discriminating against transgender people, it is difficult not to feel that way. In the last few decades, there has been a strong obsession with bathrooms and who uses them. Bathroom bills and other anti-trans laws have been at the forefront of the 510 anti-LGBT bills that were proposed in 2023.
Our politicians have made the decision to join this cruel campaign and make this bathroom bill a top priority as our Great Salt Lake sits dying and our air quality worsens daily. However, this bill is much more extensive than just bathrooms.
This bill strengthens the political frenzy surrounding trans existence by codifying transphobia and criminalizing transgender subjectivity.
Political panic, according to archaeologist Emmanuel Terray, is when real societal issues are put on hold and replaced with fictitious foes and solutions. Utah has become the focus of this congressional session despite the fact that only 1% of Utahns identify as trans. Transgender livelihoods are seriously threatened by the political hysteria that appears to be the justification for this policy.
The terrifying thing about this bill is that it deputizes state officials to control other people’s genders. This bill asks, “What are you?” to different people so they can assess, judge, and police how well I fit into their preconceived notions of my identity.
I have to constantly consider how I will be perceived by others, whether I’m visiting a friend at their dorm at the University of Utah, dropping by the library, or flying out of Salt Lake International Airport. The difference between breaking the law and committing a minor breach is determined by how acceptable I am to those around me. It is dehumanizing to have people who are complete strangers question my presence and who I am while I’m just trying to get by on a daily basis.
This bill aims to rationalize categories that are ultimately illogical and allow the administration of gender. The need to constantly reassure the balance of cisheterosexuality is a result of the uncertainty that results from the legal definition of “women’s restroom” and “men’s restroom.” Because bathrooms are the most obvious manifestations of the female binary—men use the blue one and women the red one—they hold that vulnerability. The tiny population of Utahns who identify as trans poses a threat to this binary for these politicians, and it terrifies them. Individuals like these legislators’ worldviews are disrupted by trans existence. This bill is an attempt to re-naturalize categories that were never naturally occurring.
My heart breaks seeing my state join the bandwagon of efforts to end the transgender life. However, we won’t be going anywhere. We will always be around, just like trans individuals have always been. Nearly seven years after coming out, I didn’t anticipate having any reason to still be afraid to use the restroom. However, the first thing I’ll be doing when I get off the plane on my way home from college is using the room.
Kurt McLaughlin
Kurt McLaughlin (he/him) is a Salt Lake City native and Columbia University sophomore studying gender, sexuality, race and ethnicity.
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