Nico, my twin, and I had to discover our unique identities as we were growing up together. Nico came out as transgender when he was 20 years old, and I accepted them right away.
Despite being fraternal twins, Nico and I have always had different personalities and interests. While they liked to kick a ball around, watch sports, and play with action figures, I always loved playing with my Bratz dolls and Barbies. Despite the fact that we couldn’t be more different, we were inseparable. We often worked together because, after all, having a twin is like having an innate best pal.
After my twin came out as trans, none of that changed. In fact, we grew even closer.
As we grew older, we had to discover our own identities.
We were always referred to as “The Twins,” so sometimes being a twin meant that we didn’t have our own identities. Finding our independence became important as a result.
I began to explore who I was as a gay, deaf person. I was born deaf, and at the age of 7, I received my first hearing aid. I struggled to find where I fit in because I was deaf growing up in a hearing home and hearing world. The fact that we lived in a small town with no one like me didn’t help. Fortunately, Nico was by my side the entire time, guiding me toward becoming the man I was always meant to be.
Nico was exploring their gender identity in the meantime.
I knew Nico was transgender before they came out. They always had shorter haircuts and casually mentioned that they didn’t fully identify with their sex. They had told me that they preferred masculine clothing because they felt most comfortable in it.
Nico didn’t tell our mother and me he was transgender until we were 20 years old. I hugged them tightly and said, “I know. I’m incredibly proud of you.”
It felt as though a weight had been lifted from their shoulders when they came out as transmasculine. The most logical step was to begin their hormone replacement therapy. I knew that I wanted to support them in any way I could.
“In all honesty, I never felt like I lost anything. I know some people talk about the ‘grief’ of losing a sibling, or however you might describe it. But Nico, my twin and friend, has always been and always will be Nico to me.
I don’t know how Nico dealt with their internal struggles, but it wasn’t something I found difficult to accept or understand because all that changed was their happiness and confidence.
I looked into other options for them to access gender-affirming care due to the long National Health Service waiting lists in the UK and my concern for Nico’s mental state. In 2022, people seeking gender-affirming care were placed on a waiting list in the UK, which lasted for more than 18 months. The result was an increase in depressive thoughts.
I didn’t want my twin to become another statistic in the number of trans people who take their own lives because of the waiting times. Thankfully, Nico was eventually able to access the care they needed.
Nico’s bravery in being who they are helped me feel more secure in my sexuality, and in 2020 I came out as gay and transgender.
We have become so close that our family thinks we will end up living next door to each other as we have grown older and taken different career paths. No matter where I am—next door, in the area, or on another continent—I will always be Nico’s biggest cheerleader and supporter.
